I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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