Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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