I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
