I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize