my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
