i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
