I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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