I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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