My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
