Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Green mimosas i think yes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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