even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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