Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
