Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
