I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
