fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just cut my nipple shaving
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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