Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
