I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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