TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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