she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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