mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize