Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
