was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
