I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
