I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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