Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
