Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
