How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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