don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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