I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
