He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
