wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
