We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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