i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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