Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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