I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
