The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
