I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
