imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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