I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
