In America we eat man semen.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
