Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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