did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
