He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
