i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
