I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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