I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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