Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
