BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
