If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
