I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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