i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They took my balls.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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