so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
