We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
