Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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