You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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