Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
