so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
