I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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