i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
