Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
