I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
