Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize