Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
