we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
