I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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