then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
