i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
