True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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