I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
