Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
