Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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