Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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