i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
