I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
