Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
