You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
